honey, you just need to try and not be so hard on yourself. Remember my tips, 5 & 6 are in order sunshine:

5. GET SELFISH - Easier said than done I am well aware. I have seen and experienced loss of significant others, friends and jobs due to the disease and treatment. At the end of the day though if they are not strong enough to stick around and be a positive source of reinforcement you are better off to cut your losses. You cannot save yourself and them too. Set your boundries, make it clear you will give as much as you can and nothing more and you will determine what is "as much". I cannot tell you how many tragic stories I have encountered where someone went all the way through treatment, all the while in a contentious or unsupportive relationship just to have the "other" bail when it was all done with. Mark my words you would have been much better off getting rid of them right off the bat and having all that extra energy to devote to yourself.

6. LAUGH - AT YOURSELF MOST OF ALL - My first injection was Monday night, several hours later when the body aches and shivers set in my daughter came home to find me upstairs under 6 blankets chatterting my teeth so hard I was in fear of cracking one, laughing my ass off. The sheer look of horror on her face made every moment worth it. With a very trepid "mom, do you need me to call someone" I laughed even harder. Ok, heres the gig, laugh or cry, its entirely up to you, but laughing, among other things is clinically proven to increase seritonin and bump up your white blood cells. If you just stop and think about it for a moment this is all fairly absurd and you can either wallow in it or see it for what it is, a miracle moment to embrace humility, really, I know you think I'm nuts, thats been established, but try it next time, next time you feel like crying, burst out laughing, force if you have to it won't take long for it to become natural, and I swear the look on others peoples faces will add to the hilarity.